Blessing of Voices: A Quick Guide to Generative Engagement

With every deed you are sowing a seed, though the harvest you may not see.
                                                                                            —Ella Wilcox

Many of you may know I took on a project during COVID 19 of writing a haiku every day for a year. I continue to track what I wrote in a series of 4 books (one for every season). The series is called Seasons Cycles Flow. This is the haiku for the 83rd day of summer—which is today!

As I looked at the reflection for today, I thought about the way we talk about “granting and generating voice” in the Generative Engagement model/method. In today’s turbulent and often-chaotic landscape, there are so many places where discourse has devolved into shouting matches over positions that are diametrically opposed or to cold silence and withdrawal. And I am embarrassed to say that I can step into that trap, but then I must dust myself off and start again. When I stop to re-think my behavior, I remind myself that Generative Engagement is possible, even if only one person in the conversation is practicing it. It just takes self-awareness, intentionality, and a bit of courage.

Today’s reflection is very timely for considering the aspects of granting and generating voice.

We grant and generate our voices in three ways:

• We speak, and we listen.
• We act, and we observe.
• We give, and we receive.

I grant voice when I listen deeply. I let your voice in. I consider in thoughtful ways what you are saying to me. I may find it’s not true or that I disagree, but I don’t start with that assumption. Regardless of past experiences, the depth and breadth of our differences, or the audiences who are watching, I stand in Inquiry as you talk.

I grant voice when I observe you as you are, without the screen of my opinions, biases, or pre-conceptions about you. Again I may find questions about you, or I may ultimately be offended by how you show up with me. All that may be true, but I start with Inquiry, seeking to know you better and to understand where you come from.

I grant voice when I accept what you offer me—opinions, stories, gifts. I let them in for what you are offering. In the end I have to make a judgment about the value, truth, or safety of what you offer, but I base those judgments on fact and reality rather than on my own preferences and view.

I generate my voice with you when I consider what you need and how I can say it in a way you can really hear it. I try to avoid jargon or condescension or judgment. I don’t think of “dumbing down” what I say because I assume you can’t understand. Nor do I speak beyond my knowledge because I don’t understand. And I continue to stand in inquiry, checking that I am getting my message across.

I generate my voice when I behave in ways that are not offensive or dismissive of you. My actions display a message of respect and connection. I moderate my language, actions, tone, humor to match or complement yours. I do this with sincerity and reality—even as I maintain my own identity in the exchange. I don’t behave in ways that violate what I believe, but I do what I can to allow you to be who you are with me.

I generate my voice when what I offer matches needs you have, and when that offering is done with an open heart and hand. I don’t expect you to accept my positions or my pity or my optimism or satire. I ask you what you need, if it’s not clear to me and I let you know when or if I can give you that.

I want to offer total transparency here: I don't always engage this way. In fact there are often times when I don't remember to generate or grant voice.

• When I’m not getting the level of customer service I believe I should be getting
• When I feel highjacked or ambushed into an argument
• When I’m defensive and afraid
• When I’m angry or gloating
• When I bring all my assumptions and biases to the fight with me

I often find I am neither granting nor generating voice in my exchanges. Even in my head, I often host arguments that may or may not have already happened, coloring them with my assumptions. I am sure you won’t be surprised to know I almost always win those arguments. But at what cost?

So, I look at the reflection question with today’s Haiku: Who are the people who bless my life with their voices? I see that in a new light today. I’m privileged in my life to have so many colleagues, friends, family members, and others in my life who light me up with their honesty, wisdom, openness, curiosity, and humor. They bless my life, and I bask under the branches they offer.

And what about those who are not close in? Or what about those who are colleagues, friends, family members, and others who are not agreeable with me? What about those whose words, actions and gifts are viewed through my pre-conceived notions of who they are or what they are about?

I have a choice. I can engage with them generatively and listen deeply and see what they offer. They, too, can bring blessings into my life, if I allow them to. I can grow from those encounters. I can practice generative engagements across the tension of difference. I can consider perspectives that are different than mine—maybe see something I haven’t seen before. And, along the way I might learn something new. On the other hand, what they say or what they do or how they behave may be so abhorrent to me that I cannot engage. Those cases are rare for me, but the blessing they carry is the reminder that I do have colleagues, friends, family, and others whose voices do provide me those deep, warm, safe shadows.

What are the ways you grant or generate voice? What constrains you from those patterns of interaction? In today’s landscape there is enough discord and difference. How and when might you reach across those differences and grant voice to an adversary or generate voice to someone who disagrees with you? I am going to keep trying! Be in touch and let me know how it goes!

Chris Audet is the graphic artist who created the lovely art inside the books and the lovely covers for the whole series of Haiku books: Summer’s Blossoming, Autumn’s Folding, Winter’s Resting, and Spring’s Rebirth. He also created the current images of our models and methods. And most recently he collaborated with Leslie Patterson and me to design the cover and illustrations for our most recent book: Create the Future Together: Family Field Guide for Hope, now on Amazon.