What?

In any event where people are present to observe and participate, each person walks away with his or her own version of the truth. It cannot be helped. When you see something happen, you interpret it through the filters of feelings, experiences, understandings, and assumptions that frame your own world view. Because each person brings a unique world view to any interaction, the stories about that interaction will be varied and numerous.

So What?

The reality of conflict circles is that you have to be clear about your own reality and story before you can stand in inquiry to hear and understand others perspectives. First, you consider what you believe to be true, and separate what is verifiable evidence. Then you become aware of the stories you are telling yourself, which may or may not be true. You note the patterns. How are your reality and story the same? How are they different? What stories might the other person hold? How are they the same? How are they different? Are there facts that need to be reconciled?

All this reflection happens on your own, before you engage with the other person. In your reflection, you consider what are the real questions that will help you understand more deeply and productively? Working through these kinds of questions can help you negotiate the turbulence that emerges at the points of difference.

Now What?

Use Conflict Circles in your next sticky issue to:

• Get really clear for yourself what is fact and what are your assumptions and perceptions about that fact.
• Get really clear on what others think, see, and feel about the conflict.
• Take wise action to find a generative space for moving forward.